Suddenly I Was Free
by Mali-caren
Summary: ONESHOT What is behind the veil? Is Sirius truly dead? Well he certainly isn’t living, but what is death? What is living when surrounded by darkness, silence, nothing…can he break free?’


Discalimer: J.K owns all of Harry Potter and his world...but things you don't recognise are mine:D

A/N: This is part of another fic i'm writing (Harry Potter and a Disaster in the Making) but i havn't gotten up to this bit yet. thought i could turn into a oneshot so i did :) Hope you like please R&R

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'What is behind the veil? Is Sirius truly dead? Well he certainly isn't living, but what is death? What is living when surrounded by darkness, silence, nothing…can he break free?'

"Suddenly I was free"

Silence, absolute silence, nothing moved, nothing stirred. Everything was dead. Long thin fingers of smoke crept out of the darkness, slowly seeking the little warmth, and the constant thump that my heart produced.

Shadows, Darkness, and night all combined into one smothering shroud swirled around me, stealing any happiness that my mind manage to produce, _this is worse then the Dementors_ I managed to think.

_Dementors, _I frowned, feeling the muscles in my face bend and stretch to accomplish the feat.

Suddenly I shivered as everything engulfed me _Azkaban! Peter, Betrayal, death, Lily, James…Harry._ It all slowly seeped back into my head, everything the darkness had stolen from me. My memories, my emotions and my strength.

_Harry…_ the name echoed around my head, he was the little baby I had saved from the ruins…

I looked down at the destroyed house from my motorbike, feeling tears sting at my eyes not caused by the smoke that rose from the devastated home. I landed so quickly that I almost crashed into a fence, and without stopping to park my bike I ran to the back door and blasted it open,

"_JAMES! LILY!" I yelled into the smoky gloom, flames crackled around me, I could already feel the heat of them on my features._

"_JAMES! LILY!" I scream again, more tears streaming down my face. Without thinking I dashed forward, ducking the rafters that hung low and jumping bits of collapsed wall that blocked my way_

"_LILY! JAMES!" I continue to cry. Suddenly I tripped and fell to the floor flat on my face. Wiping the soot from my eyes I turn to see what I had tripped over._

"_NOOO! JAMES! JAMES!" I howl as tears carve through the ash still on my cheeks. The face of my best friend stared blankly up the stairs, his hazel eyes empty and lifeless. _

"_James, James!" I whispered as I got to my knees and shook his shoulders,_

"_No" the one syllable triggered my heart to brake. James potter was dead. I wiped the tears furiously from my eyes. There isn't any time! I thought as I got back to my feet, where is Lily? Where is Harry?_

_Casting one more horrified look at my friends body I started to stumble up the stairs calling Lily's name as I scrambled over another broken rafter. I coughed as the smoke grew thicker the higher I climbed. Finally I reached the second floor and without stopping I made my way to the nursery, knowing that is were she would be. I stopped as I saw the nursery door hanging from its hinges, having been blown from the out side in._

"_LILY!" I roar as I sprint through the broken door, inside I fell to my knees. Well past words I began to weep. Lily lay sprawled on the floor, her auburn hair spread around her pale face, a silent scream etched on her beautiful features. _

"_Lily" the word escaped my lips as I struggled over to her lifeless body; her emerald eyes usually bright with life and love were void. She was as dead as her husband. _

_Movement caught my eye and my head snapped to the cradle that lay on it's side, blankets spilling from the wooden bed. _

"_Harry?" the hope in my voice was shaky and uncertain, how could Harry be alive when everyone else was dead!_

_The blankets moved again,_

"_HARRY!" I yelled as hope blossomed fully in my chest. I dived towards the fallen cradle and ripped the blankets away to reveal a baby, emerald eyes wide and fearful, and a small wispy tuff of unruly black hair on his head. With shaking hands I reach out and pushed the ebony hair from his brow, a cut was etched into his head, shaped like a bolt of lightning. With his hair out of the way of the slash it began to bleed, I scrambled to rip the hem from my robe as Harry began to cry. Long mournful howls of grief escaped from the infant's mouth as I mopped the blood from his head._

"_Harry, shhhhhhhh, it's going to be okay Harry" I said softly, my voice breaking even as I said it. I bundled him up in the blankets from his crib and held him tightly to my chest_

"_Come on Harry, I'm going to get you out of here" my voice was stronger then my last attempt of speech, it hadn't even shook._

_With a last look at Lily's body I tore from the room, running as fast as I dared with baby Harry in my arms. I only stopped when I reached James's body,_

"_I'll look after Harry James, I swearb I'll look after Harry" I whispered as more tears carved trails through the ash on my face. The infant in my arms looked up at me, entranced by the liquid he saw. _

_Without another word I escaped the house and the bodies it contained. Outside I looked down at Harry, his wide emerald eyes were looking past my face and up at the night's sky, and the thousands of stars above him were reflected in them. _

"_I'll kill you Peter, I'll kill you" _

I shake the memory from my head, _Harry_ I could see him in my minds eye, the first time I had seen him after that night, he had grown so much!

_I was in my animagus form, creeping from shadow to shadow, I could see Harry ahead of me, dragging his trunk down the deserted muggle street. He was so thin! I felt my fur bristle as the thought ran through my head, he must be in third year by now…I stopped as he stopped and turned to where I was hiding, wand tip alight. I saw his emerald eyes –so much like his mothers- widen in fear as he saw me, he took a hasty step away from me and I growled a warning before he tripped on the curb behind him, his wand flew out and I saw the three story knight bus zoom into view. Knowing I mustn't be seen I scampered away from Harry, hoping he would find his way safely to where ever he was going to go._

Once again I shook the memory from my head, _where am I?_ Was the first question to take root in my mind and I went with it_…where…where…whe-The Department of Mysteries! Harry! The Veil! _I felt my eyes widen, muscles long forgotten straining to do so.

_I had been duelling with Belatrix, I had been winning, I was thrilled to be back in the fight, for once in almost a year, no, for once in a _full_ year I was thrilled to be useful to the Order. Harry had been fighting superbly; I remember how proud I was of him, and I was down at the bottom of the room duelling with Belatrix. She threw that spell at me after I had said she could do better. I fell. I fell through the veil._ A thick lump formed in his throat, _I remember seeing Harry's face distort as I fell…_

_I'm behind the veil…_ the thought struck me as odd; _didn't the veil lead to death? But I'm not dead…am I? _I opened and closed my eyes; all I could see was darkness. I tried to move my fingers and was startled to feel them jiggle by my side. _How do you tell if you're dead or not?_ I asked myself. I lifted my arms and almost yelled in shock as white skeletal hands crept into my vision. _Are they **mine?**_Once again I wriggled my fingers, the bony white ones before me mirrored the movement I felt.

_My word…_ I moved my fingers again…_how strange._

The memory of Harry's face once again surged through my mind, from his wide innocent eyes as a scared infant in my arms; to the startled boy I had made fall over the year I escaped, and then the slightly older boy I gave advice to through the fire, and finally the boy who's face twisted in pain as I fell through the veil.

_Harry…James and Lily's son…my son?_ I open my mouth and try to force a word from the gaping hole. Nothing. _Harry is still waiting for me…Harry needs someone to help him since Lily and James can't. He needs someone!_ And suddenly I realised._ He needs me… _I opened my mouth again and this time the noise that erupted could of split the world in two, the emotion in that one sound could of broken every heart that heard it, the magic fused with the need to be free aloud it to be so.

"_**HARRY!" **_

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Light exploded around me, shredding the darkness that had been consuming me, the smoky hand that had slowly been seeking my life disappeared when faced with such a pure force.

The light began to spin around me, faster and faster. My eyes burned as the stark radiance roared and grew brighter. And suddenly the darkness was gone, suddenly the small essence that had been clawing at the back of my mind wasn't there, suddenly my emotions returned, the all-consuming joy that bubbled from my heart seeped from my eyes, I could feel the heat of them slowly trickling down my gaunt cheeks. Suddenly I was free…

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And that's it. i might continue if i have some spare time. Thanks for reading if you get up to this bit where your reading what i'm typing...dose that make sence//shruggs/ meh. :P

Mali

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